Just A Little Bit Random
by RockYourBodyHardcore
Summary: What happens when Yuki hits just a little too hard upon Shigure at breakfast one morning. Inspired when you just can't sleep and choose fanfiction over homework. Beware randomness and slight OOCness.
1. Dead as in D E D

**_Just A Little Bit Random_**

By: Diminuative Nitwits

Okay, first story posted on this account, on this site courtesy of my friend Mandy XD

**Warning: **This contains randomness, OOCness and yeah...so if no likey please just go back.

**_Disclaimer -_**We don't own Fruits Basket...no matter how much moneyMandy saves, which isn't much >->;;;

* * *

**_He's D-E-D!_**

"OH MY GOD!" said Shigure out of nowhere jumping from his spot upon the table.

"What?" asked everyone looking at him as they ate their breakfast.

"Nothing," Shigure replied, "I just wanted to say oh my god."

Yuki slapped him over the head at his cousin's randomness.

"EEP..." said Tohru wincing at the thud it made upon contact.

"Ow Yuki, did you really have to hit so hard? You can hurt someone you know, namelyme!" Shigure whined rubbing his head.

"Stupid Rat," muttered Kyo as he dropped his bowl and chopsticks unceremoniously upon the table, "Everytime you do that he loses even more braincells, which makes him even more annoying than usual."

"Jealous much?" asked Shigure batting his eyelashes.

"What are you retarded or something?" yelled Kyo. "Why would I be jealous of you?"

"Well, apart from my devilish good looks and charming personality let's see..." began Shigure.

Yuki again hit him on the head a second time aroundand Shigure randomly fell on Tohru.

"EEEEEH..." yelled Tohru looking at the unconscious Shigure.

"Shigure you sick bastard get up!" yelled Kyo jumping up and gently in Kyo-fashion begankicking him.

Silence……………….

"Ummm, this kinda hurts can you please move him?" asked Tohru smiling nervously as she shifted beneath the added weight.

"Sure Miss. Honda," Yuki smiled his trademark smile.

Yuki grabbed Shigures legs and Kyo, rolling his eyes in reluctance,grabbed his arms.

"Jesus, Shigure's obviously been eating out at McDonalds," Kyo grunted, "Weighs like an effing elephant."

"Or a dead body," said Tohru helpfully, getting up and dusting the imaginary dirt upon her skirt.

Kyo and Yuki dumped Shigure on the couch and then froze.

"What did you say Miss. Honda?" asked Yuki wide eyed.

"Oh um…a dead body?" Tohru repeated again.

They all stared at Shigure, "You don't think…" Kyo said trailing off.

"Oh. My. God." Cried Yuki fainting on the floor like the girl he is.

"AHHH! YUKI!" said Tohru rushing over, "Yuki whats wrong?"

"Tohru just leave _IT_ to rot there, we have bigger things to worry about." Said Kyo looking at Shigure.

"Really?" said Tohru standing up, "Like what?"

"Like Shigure being dead," replied Kyo.

Tohru fainted right then and there upon the livingroom floor.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," muttered Kyo walking over to the phone in the hallway.

"Hatori?" said Kyo after dialing the numbers.

"What is it now?" asked Hatori cutting to the chase. As it was standard procedure that a call not from Shigur was usually _about _Shigure."Let me guess, Shigure got beat up by that butch sumo wrestler again."

"No," said Kyo, "He's dead."

"He's what now?" asked Hatori.

"Dead."

"What kind of dead?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT KIND OF DEAD? HE'S DEAD YOU IDIOT. DEAD AS IN D-E-D!" Yelled Kyo into the phone.

"That's not how you spell dead Kyo," said Hatori calmly.

"SHUT UP DAMMIT!" screamed Kyo slamming the phone down.

* * *

Hatori unlike Kyo placed the phone done calmly, "Kyo sure sucks at making prank phone calls," he mused to himself. 

"Kyo, WHERE?" asked Kagura,as shesuddenly appears in a state of randomness at Hatori's door.

"Kagura, what are you doing here?" asked Hatori.

"Oh, I was on my way back from my secret Kyo shrine, that no one knows about because it's a secret."

"If it's a secret, why'd you tell me?" asked Hatori quizzically.

"Who said I did?" Kagura said smiling like a baboon.

Hatori sighed, "LOOK KYO!" he said pointing in the furthest direction from him.

"MY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEE..." said Kagura running off into the distance.

"Thick as a brick," sighed Hatori as he reverted back to some forms laid about upon his desk.

* * *

It's done...yeah, I had to edit this as my friend, Mandy is too lazy to place COMMAS and FULL STOPS after what they say...¬.¬ Please **READ + REVIEW **as it's nice to recieve them though please leave flames out, I can handle them but I don't she can ¬.¬

-

Unitl next chapter(Yes, there is more...),

Diminuative Nitwits


	2. Kyoko The Plague

Meanwhile back at Shigure's house Tohru had regained consciousness and was trying to figure out how to bring Shigure back.

"Maybe if I kiss him on the mouth -like in one of the books he wrote which he gave to me late one night when you and Yuki were out- he might come back alive" she said frowning.

"Yeah sure go ahead, if you want to get the plague" muttered Kyo pacing back and forth.

"The what?" asked Tohru confused, "Whats the plague?"

"Your mum ok?" said Kyo angrily, "Now shut up"

"My mums the plague?" asked Torhu wide eyed.

"Yes dammit" said Kyo impatiently.

"But mums dead"

"Yeah cuz she died of the plague"

"Kyo she was hit by a car, remember. YOU WERE THERE" said Tohru becoming teary eyed.

"For christs have you been taking Emo lessons off Yuki or something?" said Kyo , "If you want to go cry go cry in the corner"

Tohru went off and cried in the corner.

'Finally' thought Kyo, 'now I can return my thoughts to the dead shigure..wait……no not in that way…………aaaaaahhhh necrophilia…… ok breath that's not what you meant you do not do that sort of stuff calm down kyo calm down…'

"Kyo?" sniffed Tohru tugging on his jacket, "I'm ready to become a man"

Kyo choked on his spit and nearly followed Shigure into the after life, "That's gunna be kinda hard with you having boobs and all" he said finally, oh god I just said boobs.

"Kyo what are boobs?" asked Tohru wide eyed.

Kyo stared at her, "Go ask Shigure" he said.

"But shigure's dead"

"I SAID GO ASK HIM DAMMIT!"

"Eep" said Tohru scampering off.

There was silence for a few hours until Kyo heard a knock at the door.

"What do ya want?" said Kyo yanking the door open.

"Hello I'm Police officer Morg and this is the slightly uglier and stupider police officer Man, we got a call saying that someone is dead in this house"

Kyo's jaw dropped, how'd they……… turning a little Kyo could make out Tohru in the doorway grinning like an idiot, obviously proud with herself, 'should have known' he thought, 'it's always the dumb person that does the dumb things'

"Well uh sir" said Kyo gulping, "There are no dead bodies here, everything in this house is perfectly living,….except for our goldfish Lucky who wasn't very lucky and died, but uh you don't really need to know that so uh…….sorry to um. Trouble, good bye"

Kyo went to shut the door but Morg stopped him, "We'll just have a quick check up" he said.


	3. What really happened to Mr Snuggles

'Tohru is SOO going to be Dog food' kyo thought following the officers.

"Lets go into the living room" said Man

"NOOO!" said Kyo as they walked in.

Kyo rushed after him, "He's not dead he's sleeping!" he exclaimed, "Don't try and wake him up he uh……..took sleeping pills so he's out cold for the rest of his life- I MEAN DAY"

The officers looked at him oddly.

"Alright fine" said Kyo limply, "We found him like this…….he's a hobo…..and um….. we er…….kidnapped him DAMMIT NOT KIDNAPPED I MEAN, that is to say we uh……..HE COMMIT SUICIDE!"

"Boy do you need to go to a looney bin who are you talking about?" asked Morg.

Kyo looked around and realized that Shigure was no longer on the couch and Yuki was no longer on the floor.

Inside Kyo did his happy dance, "Uh huh, oh yeah, its ya birthday, ya lucky day, go tohru, go tohru, go-'

"Kyo where's Shigure and Yuki?" asked Tohru coming up behind him as the officers left.

"Didn't you hide them?" asked Kyo shutting the door.

"No" said Tohru, "I thought you did"

"So…" said kyo thinking, "If I didn't move them, and you didn't move them then WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE THEY!"

"umm…" said Tohru, "Maybe Shigure turned into a zombie and ate Yuki"

"Are you really that dense?" asked Kyo in disbelief, "Where did you pull that crappatani from?"

"Oh from a book Shigure wrote its called-"

"The world is a better place now that Shigure can no longer write" muttered Kyo leaving the room.

"But Kyo-" said Tohru running after him and smashing into a wall, "Where…d-d-d-d-did they…g-g-goooooooooo?"

"What do I look like a freaking Psychic?" asked Kyo not realizing that Tohru had yet again passed out.

Cutting to a something totally off the plot Haru is figuring out the many ways he can win back Rin, with the help of Momiji.

"Ok" said Haru snapping his fingers I've got"

Momiji twirled the lollypop stick in his hands, bored, "Ok what is it?"

"I'm Emo, you're Emo, LETS BE EMO TOGETHER" said Haru grinning.

Silence.

"No?" asked Haru as Momiji just stared at him, "Well how about, Hey Rin, is that an mp3 in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

"Haru whats an mp3 got to do with winning Rin back?" asked Momiji confused.

"SHUDDUP!" yelled Haru turning black, "Well guess what I have to say to you, you know that rabbit we got that suddenly went on vacation? Well guess what it didn't go on vacation IT DIED!"

Momiji burst into tears and Haru continued.

"And you know how it died? Huh? Huh? IT GOT RUN OVER BY A LAWN MOWER!"

At that moment Momiji became violently sick.


	4. A Failed Attempt at Search

Sorry to all my adoring fans, yes you.

Had a severe case of writers block.. as In a

years worth of it… anyway thought id attempt at writing another chapter, which is found below..

I don't know what do you think??

Please watch out for any spelling errors, made up words or sentences that make no sense at all.

Thankyou )

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"I cant see Yuki or Shigure anywhere" said Tohru shielding her eyes with her hand. 

"That's because you're facing a wall" Sighed Kyo turning her to face the other way.

"Hey that's better!" she said happily, "Thanks Kyo"

Kyo sighed, sometimes-wait most of the time it was like having a dog rather than a friend, a dog that cooked and cleaned and did the washing….so.. in other words a very smart dog. Hm…so in dog form Tohru would be very smart……that's something to think about…..

"OH MY GOD KYO I THINK I FOUND THEM!!" said Tohru excitedly pointing off into the crowd.

Kyo followed her gaze, "Uh Tohru that's a fat albino (no offense to you guys) and a…bearded lady….." Kyo trailed off as he stared at the womans beard, mesmerized at how it twitched while she talked………….

"Kyo?"

"SHUT UP!!" he said marching off somewhere in a state of randomness.

"Oh ok" said Tohru clamping her mouth shut.

A few minutes later Kyo came back and grabbed Tohru by the wrist dragging her off to ask people if they had seen the dead shigure and …yuki.

"Ok Tohru" said Kyo trying to be patient, "Me left, you right, come back here at 4pm comprendai?"

"Ah huh!" said Tohru grinning cheerfully.

Kyo sighed with relief, "Wait, huh Kyo, what are we doing?"

"ASKING PEOPLE IF THEY HAVE SEEN SHIGURE AND THAT DAM RAT!!" yelled Kyo causing people to stare at him.

"Mummy that boys scaring me" said a little boy grabbing his mums hand.

"He must be possessed, don't look him in the eye Pinto" said the mother hurrying her child away from the angry Kyo.

Even more pissed off Kyo stormed left and Tohru after a moment of talking to a broom realized that it wasn't Kyo and skipped off right.

By the time the sun set Kyo was in an even more pissed off mood, "how far" he muttered gritting his teeth, "can a dead body and an unconscious moron go?"

"KKKYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Said Tohru loudly skipping towards him, still as happy as she had been when she left.

Kyo's right eye twitched and he quickly went through all the ways to brutally murder someone, "Did you find anything?" he asked trying not to punch the idiotic grin off Tohru's face.

"Welllllllllll, the shop owners 52, Libra, and enjoys young highschool girls in short skirts-" began Tohru.

"Anything about Shigure and Yuki" Kyo cut in.

"No, only that a couple of hours ago, Shigure went into that XXX shop, you know the one with the interesting toys and videos"

"Yes I do" sighed Kyo glancing over at the store, catching the eye of a severely unattractive middle aged man in tight leather, who winked and made suggestive movements with his pelvis.

"Kyo-"

"Tohru don't look" said Kyo covering her eyes and turning green.

They returned home and Kyo decided to call Haru, who hopefully using his 'sisterly' bond with Yuki could find out where the hell they were.

"What do you want?" Haru asked picking up the phone after the zillionth ring.

"Oh nothing" said Kyo twirling the phone cord in between his fingers, and looking a bit queer if you ask me, "Just ringing to ask if you've seen that dam rat and ugly mutt around?"

"No, not unless they're at the hospital" said Haru.

"Why are you at the hospital?"

"Momiji had a little run in with the lawn mower…don't know the exact details but, im sure we'll find out once they're finished sowing his face back together"

"That's disgusting"

"You're not the one who had to pick up the pieces of his face using chopsticks and a colesmyer supermarket bag now where you?" said Haru.

He waited for an answer but only got dial tone.

"Dam all this to hell" cursed Kyo kicking his foot against the wall and glaring at Tohru, who had on a stupid little apron with the words "Im Yuki's bitch" written on it.

"Maybe you should ring Ayame" suggested Tohru.

"Yeh and maybe you should be pushed of a cliff by Akito"

"What?"

"Oh, nothing"

* * *

Meanwhile, Kureno's feeding birds….and that's it. 


End file.
